Omaha Momma: Entertainment

Shazam !

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 01:53:48 GMT

I'm here I swear ! Jane ....see ? I'm here dammit !

Ok so, I have tons to say and nothing to say all at the same time. Nice...yeah I know. time to say a few and then I gotta come back tomorrow to chat and visit y'all.

The pics. The mummy, I made him...no Bob it's not hubs, he's not holding a golf club , a remote or a beer so that's how I tell the difference.

Uhm there is other shit I made too but I can't remember it all right now. My focus now is Christmas. Besides our own decorations Hubs just asked me a "favor" for his store deco's. I am such a sucker.

In other news....my mom's former boyfriend who is a habitual law breaker, constant drunk, convicted felon...blah blah blah. Anyway karma found his ass and but good I tell you ! that son of a bitch was so drunk that when he leaned on the porch railing that gave way he fell. Not just a fall mind you. He fell on his face and broke his back in two separate places. And, busted his face and teeth up. Ok. How drunk do you have to be to fall face first off of a porch and make NO attempt to brace yourself or even protect your face ?!?! I mean really !?!?!? If you happen to know the answer to that , it was a rhetorical question and I don't really want to know the answer. I know it sounds mean that I'm telling all about this. I have never wished physical harm on a person.....ever. Although, I've thought about it but didn't for fear something might happen. Anyway I am just saying that when a person such as this scum gets something near what he deserves I'll be damned if I don't smile a tiny bit.

Now, what else ....hhmmmm. Oh. I got my feelings hurt today . Oh hush, I know that sounds stupid but I did, and for whatever reason I didn't do my normal thing of coming back spewing poison to the person who did it, even though I could have VERY easily. I didn't. Not because I am above that sort of thing, but because I would have started crying while I was yelling. I am SUCH a girl. Blerf.

Quiz Answers !

Fri, 18 May 2007 15:11:27 GMT

May 11

Quiz Time ! ANSWERS !

Well, the time has come, that I have nothing to say. I do, but nothing I haven't already since ten times over. We all know that's boring.

So here's the deal. I am putting some questions on here, we're gonna see who is bored enough to find the answers !

Some of the answers will be easy peasy, others won't so for the harder ones the archives for this blog are at the bottom of the page.

This will be up for a couple of days mainly because like I said " not alot to say", and because I have some things to take care of.

You can email your answers to me at : samvanso2129@msn.com , the winner will get....yeah I dunno yet...maybe an autographed picture ? Hahahaha...totally kidding, we'll work out the prize details later.

One more thing, if your name is "Tawny" and you're my sister, OR if your name is AuntieM, you can play but don't tell the answers to anyone else !

Here.

We.

Go !

#1. What is the name of the event I was invited to speak on a panel at last September ?

The Omaha Litfest !

#2. What does "Happy Doopy" mean, and how did it get started ? It means Happy Birthday, and it started when Bophers who is now 7 was turning 2 and was trying to say "Happy Birthday to me"...it came out Happy Doopy, since then we wish everyone a Happy Doopy !

#3. What is the highest thing JayDawg has jumped off of ? The roof of the house !

#4. How many kids do I have ? 5 ! Jam, Banas, Bophers, Didda, and MiMi !

#5. Name a phobia of mine, there are a lot, but one is fine. DEATH my own or people I love, small animals, ghosts..they scare me but I like them haha, damn there are more but I already sound like a freak .

#6. What is my favorite holiday ? Halloween ! For the parties and the decorations, and it's in my FAVE season FALL !

#7. The day after we came home from the hospital with MiMi, hubs backed into a car, what was he going to get when this happened ? Pizza ! That incident is now referred to as " The Pizza Party "

#8. What electrical appliance did we replace in January ? The dryer, but it turns out our old one was fine it was the breaker that was broken..duh..ah well our other was a dinosaur anyway.

#9. When I told you all I was pregnant, how many days did I say it would take for her to arrive ? 217 days.

#10. Where did my family and I go for Mother's Day last year ? Indian Cave State Park.

#11. What is the biggest thing JayDawg has eaten ? The sofa ! Well not the whole thing, but two HUGE cushions.

#12. What kind of job does my husband have ? He is a director of a retail store...

#13. What is the last event I went to Kansas for ? A Redneck Weddin' !

#14. What did Didda put in her nose that had to be removed at the hospital ? What color was it ? A bead ! Heart shaped and green !

#15. What did Banas fall off of at school and hurt her back from ? The rock climbing wall.

#16. What color eyes do all my kids have ? Blue !

#17 Besides me, who in my house needs Midol ? Everyone, but I meant Jam

#18. When Bophers couldn't stop puking for days....what the was diagnosis ? She was FULL of shit ...literally !

#19. What day is my birthday ? November 21..19...something.

#20. Jam's best friends mom has a nickname on here, what is it ? Horse teeth !

Oh man, good luck....ready, set, go !

Well....I got some really great responses most of which weren't true bet nevertheless made me pee a little .

There was one person that got them all right. A person that I am not related to, a person that reads everyday and has never commented. Ginger, is the winner !!!

Oh by the way, my sister didn't even know some of them !

I should tell you

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 19:25:56 GMT

That Didda is me when I was little. Yes. I know. How can it be that I, the girliest of girls, is a former tomboy ?

I dunno. *Shrugs*

When I was a little girl, like 5 years ago, rarely was I not covered in dirt, oil, car grease, or soaking wet for some reason.

I sat on the block of an old Vega and watched my Grandpa and Uncle "fix on" cars, our own, family, or someone they hardly knew. I'd help pull the motor with the pulley attached to the garage ceiling. That is where I got my "car fixin' on skills".

We'd collect buckets full of locust shells and stick them all over our clothes, we'd make mud pies, and sand spaghetti.

My sister and I would go "hunting" for nightcrawlers late on rainy nights, for fishing of course. I myself was quite the fisherman, er fishergirl..if I do say so myself.

Also when it rained alot during the summer, and we were at our Grandparents house, we go swimming in the muddy water that flooded the ditches. That right there caused a few injuries, to my sister mainly, and some nasty infections in cuts . That is where I got my " doctorin' skills".

Shoes were not a requirement in any establishment in our town, so there was never a need to wear them around. Ever.

If I did have to wear shoes like to go to "town" (the big city that we were 30 minutes from) I bitched and moaned the whole time. The second we were in the car leaving the evil shoe wearing place, I rip them off. Taking them off did a few things, one: it made me feel better, two: it made the car stink haha, and three: it exposed my toenails.

Toenails back then meant were only good for keeping dirt on the ends of my toes, now they are adorned with color, designs, and jewels.

I didn't care what I was wearing, which was usually some sort of swimsuit, and I didn't care what other people thought about it. I didn't even care when people would call me a boy and laugh about it. They thought it was cute that I liked the things I did.

The day I gave birth to my first baby girl, something happened. I was different, I wanted make-up on that very second, and I needed a new pair of jeans to wear hom from the hospital.

I suspect that growing alongside my daughter in my uterus was a previously locked safe of glitter, fear of bugs, tiaras, phobias of small animals, shoes, and make-up.

You know

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 00:19:01 GMT

You know you're gonna have a problem when.......

You forget you put that shiny shit on your running boards yesterday and you step up there without holding onto anything.

(Way to go Gracie !)

You tell your 2 year old to hurry up and get her coat on so you can go and her reply is " I can't Mommy my nails are drying."

(Son of a bitch where did she get nail polish ?!?!)

Your dog is much bigger and quicker than you, it's muddy outside and you just mopped the floor.

(I have tried a million times to tackle his ass--still doesn't work)

Your dog (who is still muddy) forgoes the mopped area and heads straight for the furniture.

(We don't really need a sofa)

Your 9 year old asks you to home school her because she doesn't want to brush her hair everyday.

(Can we say laaaazy)

You think the lid is on the chocolate milk and you shake the jug.

(See I didn't even need the dog to mess up my floor I did it all by myself).

You didn't think hubs was serious when he said he was quitting his job, so you told him to go right ahead and do it.

(No he didn't quit he just got off early and played the part quite well)

You answer the phone when the PTO president calls.

(Someone stick pencils in my eyes for that shit....please)Oh, nevermind let's stick them in her eyes !

You think that since the prescription says "take with food" that you can just drink coffee and it'll still count as food.

(It does not count)

You tell your 9 year old that you were really good in English in school so she brings her homework to you.

(Uhm what the hell is a predicate, and a linking verb and why do I need to know this ?!?)

You tell your 9 year old that you have to check your email for a very important message in the middle of homework.

(Yeah hi...I totally googled that shit)

Then, you tell her that the very important message didn't come yet.

(Leaving you the opportunity to go google again if need be)

You convince yourself that now is as good as time as any to start your diet.

( 4 whole painstaking hours into your diet you realize why the first 3 letters of that word are DIE)

So screw the diet, and I can't start tomorrow because we all know that it's bad luck to start something like that on the 1st...right ? I think I'll wait until next week, but not Monday cause it's bad luck to start on Mondays too. I know I heard that somewhere.

Oh the pic, just a digital image from a page that SuperChick sent me, it has tons of cool stuff. Go here to see for yourself !

The Drama Llama Lives Here

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 17:09:46 GMT

Jam and her " best friend"...hmm...well her BFF is the daughter of "Horse Teeth" that I've talked about before. So I guess she's turning out to be as annoying and irritating as her mother. I tried to tell Jam that would happen, like mother like daughter, I mean look at her and I. Sorry kid shit happens.

Well, I guess they are " best friends" still, but they can't stand each other. I'm pretty proud of Jam though, I mean most girls don't start such cattiness until at least junior high.

I started to notice a few weeks ago that when she spoke of " Dora" that is was more spewing venom than sugar plums. "Dora" is one of those happy all the time, like psychotically happy, like " my mom slips xanax in my cereal happy" . But also she's a very touchy feely person, hugging you or just punching you in the arm. The combination of both of these has worn on Jammers. And, now instead of saying things like " Dora and I both got 100% on our tests." She says, " Ugh Dora got 100% and I missed one, so of course Miss Perfect has to rub it in."*Rolls Eyes*

Wednesday she gets in the truck after school and she's all pissed off about something.

" What's the matter babe ?"

"Nothing Mom just leave me alone." *Tears Brimming*

"Jam what honey ...what's wrong ?"

" Ugh we had a play in class today, a version of Cinderella and guess who gets to be Cinderella ? No Mom guess ! Nevermind ..it was Dora..of course because she's perfect and cheery and everyones best friend."

" Oh Jam really why do you care that much ? Really, why ? So...were you in the play ?"

"Yesssssss" *Squinting eyes at me

"Okay ? Who were you ?"

" I was the evil wicked step sister !"

I was really trying not to laugh, and trying to hold back the urge to tell her that she was playing the part quite well. I didn't do either. I told her I was sorry and I know that sucked.

So yesterday I pick the girls up and Banas gets in and is huffing around, and doing that deep "siiiiigh" thing. Ya know the one where they want you to ask what's wrong, but then you do and they say they don't wanna talk about it. Then you have to pry to make them say what they want to say but are pretending they don't want to say. You know what I mean right ?

"Friend drama Mom"

"Ughhh who now ?" --(Bana and her BFF "C" that lives across the street get alongjsut dandy here, but at school her BFF is forever telling the teacher on Bana saying that she acts different and talks different when she's around this other girl her other BFF"B", that BFF"C" hates. Ok I know that's confusing but that's how it is. )

" Well "C" told the teacher today that I was laughing at her so I had to have lunch with my teacher again so we could talk. "

"Good God" *Now I'm rolling my eyes.

"Then "B" got mad because I had lunch with "C" and the teacher and she gave me back her half of our BFF necklace !"

"Uhhhh ok she got mad because you had to have lunch with your teacher ?"

"Yeah she felt left out ! But Mom I didn't do it ! It wasn't my fault ! And now she hates me !"

"Ok kid she doesn't hate you, and if she does then you don't need her as your friend...AND if "C" keeps her shit up she won't be your friend anymore either. "

"Well I have to be friends with them we are doing Hansel and Gretyl together in class Friday I just found out today...and "C" is all happy because she is Gretyl..and I'm the stupid evil witch !"

Ok is it just me or is the fact that both my kids are playing evil and wicked characters jumping out at you ?

Like I said "Like Mother Like Daughter(s)" What Can ya do ?

Thank You Baby Jesus

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 23:33:00 GMT

So today started out...not so good. Jay had a trash party..see pic #1 for evidence of such.

Didda then decided to was her hair with baby lotion. No pic of that because I was in a hurry. I was in a hurry to meet Mel to shop at a place that was going out of business, get to that in a sec. So I'm halfway there and I reach into my purse for my phone, and notice it feels quite light. It feels light because my wallet is not in there. It's not in there because Didda took it out. So back home we go for me to search high and low for my wallet. I call Mel to tell her that I'm not coming because the wallet is gone...missing...just up and gone.

The second I hang up of course I find it.

Oh I forgot to say that all that happened even though I was having an exceptionally good hair day. Normally things like that don't happen on good hair days.

Anyway...

I go shopping.

That my friends is when Baby Jesus said, "Jess...this one's your's babe."

Harry Hines Trading Company, the sell jewelry and accessories of all kinds. Sort of like Claires boutique, and Icing.Everything in the store was....drumroll please....99 cents ! Yes !

I got soo much shit for 29.00 ! To be precise...152.89 dollars worth of stuff for 29.89 ! (See pics)...yes I'm so proud I took pics of some of it .

And...Mel spent 18.01 and got 174.81 worth of stuff ! Un-frickin-believe-able !

Purses, necklaces, earrings, bracelets, tiaras, sunglasses, neckties,rings,scarves.

Walking in there knowing that every single thing I was looking at was only 99 cents, was like sensory overload . I almost cried. Ok so I cried a little but who can blame me ?!?!

My day turned out quite alright, the shopping expedition wiped away all the bad things for today..so as of now...I'm having an exceptionally good hair day, I got to wear my Britney Spears lace newsboy hat(see pic), and I got some sweet stuff for 29 bucks.

Ehhhhh....

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 19:13:30 GMT

The car repair thing is almost done and over with. The sooner the better !

First thing this morning we had a voicemail from the boyfriend of the " victim" wanting hubs to call him ASAP. Hubs had spoken to the girl last week and told her that it'd be taken care of by Friday.

So, hubs goes off to call the guy, and just for shits and giggles I decide to "Google" the guys name. Yes I am that nosey.

The very first result is a myspace page of rappers from Missouri. And in a blog entry they have they talk about "the boyfriend" --(the guy I searched)...he's an up and coming rapper ...blah blah blah.

So I click on the link to browse through their pictures.

*Right about now I hear hubs down in the garage starting to talk louder and louder. *

Browse the pictures. Ho-ly shit. Now we gotsa problem . No, I'm not scared of your run of the mill everyday rappers...keep reading.

All of these pictures are of all of them, having a grand ole time. Smiling, laughing, smoking, drinking....and holding GUNS...lots of GUNS...allll sorts of GUNS. Pictures of some boys of theirs that have been shot....just your normal thug photo album I s'pose.

Oh dear God in Heaven.

Stunned for a split second I sat here with MiMi on my lap, then I hear hubs again. Still talking loud enough for me to hear.

Shitfire ! He's on the phone fighting with a thug ! A thug that has GUNS and friends with them too ! A gun toting thug that is looking at the police report that has our address !

I sprint down the stairs to tell him to give them what they want ! Offer a bonus grand ..shit I don't care...and please for the love of all things good in the world--- be nice !

Turns out they were just chattin' away and possibly talking of a "settle for less" deal if it's cash. Hmmm big shocker there.

Nothin' better to do

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 03:23:49 GMT

Ok so I got nothin' today. So here's the deal. I read SuperChicks blog and she was having an "off" day too and she opened the floor for questions. I think I'll play too !

Ask me anything you wanna know about me, the world, whatever ..I really don't care , ...Oooohhhh or you need advice...I got tons of that shit...you can leave me a comment with your question, if you're embarrased then you can hide......and/or if you want to you can email me : samvanso2129@msn.com .

Bring it... I'm bored

Happy Thanksgiving !

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 15:07:23 GMT

Yesterday was "supposed" to be " my day" ---as in it was the first/last time I turned 29. Next year I won't be 30, it'll be the 1st anniversary of my 29th birthday.

So I woke up....and had a fever a headache a sore throat and I couldn't breathe . Ah hell no biggie.

Get the girls up and ready for school. Run out to the truck to grab an envelope, and my fucking tire is flat...like FLAT.

But thank God it was only flat on the bottom.

All day I tried to rest, between the phone ringing and Baby girl chattering away... then I remembered I promised the girls I'd bake a cake. Ughh..me and my big mouth.

Hubs comes home and tells me to just chill and he'll switch laundry, load the dishwasher and cook whatever I want for dinner.

I was so tired and bitchy that I told him that for all I care we could have Spaghetti'Os ....and....we did.

He also got me a game that I wanted so I played that for a bit while he slaved away.

Now I'm wondering what he was slaving away on. I suspect it was catching the score of the KU game and it scrolled across the bottom of ESPN. The reason I suspect this is....I went down to grab the girls' jeans out of the dryer this morning, and it seems the dryer didn't get turned on. Then, I opened the dishwasher to get a glass....and guess what ? No really. Guess. Just guess dammit. Yep...the dishwasher was never started.

I also have every candle in the house lit . Because it smells like a bar in here today. Why ? Because hubs bought a bottle of Captain Morgan for him and my brother in law to have drinks with this weekend. He put it in the fridge....opened the fridge back up and the bottle toppled off the top shelf and shattered all over the floor.

Nothing like the aroma of spiced rum to get your stomach churning first thing in the morning.

Then I had a bit of deja-vu too. A long time ago I had been out and drank a wee bit too much of something with peach schnapps in it. I woke up with a hangover straight from satan but still had to go about my day. I was fine until I put on my deodorant. "Peach Sparkle" deodorant. I wasn't fine after that. And, I will never be able to use that shit again. Ahhh memories.

Anyway, poor Tom the Turkey is awaiting his final demise in my sink right now. I'll cook him today so that tomorrow the oven will be free.

My mother in law will be here sometime today, and my sister and her family will be here later tonight. Krissy and Pedro are coming for dinner too, but they won't be here until around 6 tomorrow. The house will be full and fun. I hope.

That's the sound of the men...working on the name game

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 23:19:13 GMT

Here are the names ! I’m sure I left some out, because I’m feeling less than half-witted today. You can vote on your favorite , or suggest a name. but I will tell you that since we already have 4 girls with “S” names, I bet we have one !

Shawnee

Shyanne- “Shy”

Syan/Sian

Sheridan

Sloane

Sylvie

Shiloh

Sierra

Shaughnessy-Shawnessy- “Shawny”

Skylar- “Sky”

Samara- “Mara”

Happy Halloweenie !

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 17:43:37 GMT

Ok I am busy busy making a bouquet for a corpse bride who has no flowers, and devil horns for my hornless devil.....

Happy Halloween, and if you haven't already click on this link and watch for about 15 seconds to see some wicked ghostly images......

Click Here

Happy 4th !

Tue, 04 Jul 2006 15:08:51 GMT

Not alot going on around here right now..seems that everyone is slow getting round .

Twelve hours though...and the whole neighborhood will be nuts.

The girls are decked out in red white and blue beads...and I've made them little tiaras of the same colors with garland and stars.

We did let the girls do some smaller things last night though..the urge to light something on fire was too much for them.

"C" though..if you remember...the child ain't the brightest crayon in the box.

*Sigh* She had a punk to light things in one hand, and a lollipop in the other.

She handled the situation quite nicely for about 4 minutes...then proceeded to lick the punk wile trying to light a smoke bomb with her lollipop. DUH.

That is actually our second injury ..the first was Sunday night, when they were out throwing "snappers" in the driveway .

Our oldest "J" comes running in the house screaming that an ant has got her.

Her hand over her mouth she keeps yelling incoherently as I'm yelling back for her to calm down and tell me where the ant bit her .

The child moves her shaking hand and there still clamped onto her bottom lip with all it's might is a HUGE black carpenter ant. Just biting the hell out of her !

After holding on to the little bastard for a minute hubs got it to let loose..

It did leave a pretty good sized mark.

I've told them about Karma before....and now "J" is a believer.

She promised to the bug Gods that she won't smash anymore ants, stick pine needles in worms for shits and giggles, or smash the butt of one more lightning bug on her shirt ...even if it is pretty cool.

Woo-Hoooo !!

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 16:23:35 GMT

First things first...I sold the "Skater Bitch" tank yesterday...and got an order for a t-shirt and bandana of the same thing....*thank you thank you*...bow-bow--*curtsey*....to a Dad from the school for his wifey...what a good hubs...

We had a total friggin' blast last night....Gawd we did !

I am now the official "Head fuckin' Cheerleader" for the

Omaha Roller Girls....*lil curtsey*

AND....there were drawings for t-shirts and cash , from the Roller Girls and the radio station...guess who won TWO t-shirts and 50 bucks ?!?! That's right...I damn sure did ! The d.j. thought somehow I had it rigged....damn if I could rig drawings...radio station ones would be pretty low on my list I know that.

So...when I told hubs this a.m. that I took 80 bucks outta the ATM, spotted 20 of it to a friend, bought drinks,10 raffle tickets, and breakfast...and that I have 70 bucks left...he thought I'd been out hookin'...fuck that...70 bucks for that ?

I think not.

I heard a joke once that " women are the only creatures on earth that can go out to a club broke, and come home drunk." Too true .

StoryTellers

Tue, 11 Apr 2006 15:36:40 GMT

We all know at least one person like this.

The person who tells stories...they always have one better than yours...they tell so many stories about so much shit that they don't even know where the story ends and the truth begins. Their stories are always funnier than yours. The pain they suffered is beyond what you could ever imagine.

Obviously this starts at a young age because my girls are always coming home telling me about kids at school making up fabulous tales.

They tell ya one story one day, then a week later...this fable grew into something bigger...and the person doesn't even realize they told ya the damn story before when it was closer to the truth.

Or, they don't get that they sound SO stupid. The story they are telling you invovles something that you know for a fact is NOT the truth...but they will fight you to the end to prove they are right.

Say a person tells you they had an ectopic pregnancy. Ok...well...you apologize, that is a very sad thing.

Then said person goes on to tell you that the reason for it was the embryo implanted itself...inside her stomach. Not abdominal cavity...or ovary..or on the outer side of her uterus........stomach.

Yep that pouch thing in your mid-section that holds food. That thing that there is only one way into and one way out of.

Ya know, the part that gives ya hell when you eat too many burritos...and gets you back after a night of drinking margaritas and not feeding it first.

Somehow...a baby got in there...don't ask to her explain how because it's a great medical mystery to her and the doctors according to her.

And, no she doesn't need any sort of medical intervention because "her stomach acid will take care of it." Why yes...that is a direct quote.

And then you have the person who bought something fabulous....first it cost around a thousand dollars...two weeks later the price of that bitch morphed into 3 thousand dollars ! Ok, maybe it's just me but I think I'd sell that thing for a profit, and go buy another one for a grand !

Or...what about the storytellers that only tell stories for sympathy...ya know

" poor me poor me"....not an occasional pity party.....but the " I only pick up the phone to call and tell you how horrible my existence is. And yes this is the only time I'll call you." It doesn't matter that the situations they are telling you are things that happen to any given person every fucking day....it was horrible, and 10 times worse than yours.

69 things about me

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 15:31:34 GMT

Ok so I stole this from Stacy..GroovyJeepDiva--I have tons of shit to do today and nothing of interest to write so, this is it !

69 THINGS YOU MAY HAVE NEVER KNOWN ABOUT ME

1. Initials:
M.O.M.

2. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Who cares ?

3. Where was your first kiss?
Honestly can't remember

4. For or against same sex marriage?
Totally for it.

5. Are you homophobic?
Nope

6. Are you bisexual?
I don't think so ?-

7. Do you believe in God?
Yeah--or someone like him

8. Do you drink often?
No...but I'd like to ..lol

9. How manystates have you lived in?
4

10. Have you ever lived outside of the U.s?
No

11. Name something you like physically about yourself:
Uhmmmmm......

12. Something non-physical you like about yourself:
I can confuse people easily

13. What is your mom's first name?
Deb

14. What is your dream car?
‘Aston Martin <--click here

15. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
To the mall.

16. Have you ever smoked a cigarette?
LOL...yeah.

17. Do you like to be romanced?

No romance is gay. Duh, of course I do.

18. Do you download music?
Yeah

19. How many illegal things have you done?
Gasp ! NONE of course !

20. Where would you want to go on a first date?
To the mall...ha ha just kiddin'..probably to a basketball game or something fun like that.

22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
If it counts that the band played you a song because your Mom just flashed them...then yes.

23. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
No.

24. Do you like the President?
Not so much.

25. Ever Bungy Jumped?
Are you retarded??--kept that same answer from Stacy lol.

26. Have you ever white water rafted?
No, but I went tubing down a lazy river lol.

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
Hmm...yeah..

28. Have you ever been in a wedding?
Yes, 3.

29. Have you met a real redneck?
Ok that's just a stupid question..lol...I couldn't deny that if I tried.

30. Do you dye your hair?
Yup.

31. What are you listening to right now?
The Wiggles singing "Big Red Car".

32. What is your current favorite song?
Hmm...I dunno really...I have "Beyonce Check up on it"...as my cell ringer right now though.

33. What was the last movie you watched?
Harry Potter – The Goblet of Fire (shup – I do watch a LOT of HP)--again the same as Stacy's lol

34. What kind of movies do you like?
Depends on my mood...I like to watch movies about things that really happened though...meaning Sci-Fi movies are OUT. No Harry Potter is not Sci-Fi .

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
PepperJax Grill yesterday.

36. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone elses property?
I would NEVER ! lmfao

37. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Ok once but I'm only admitting it because there is photo proof of such incident.

38. Has anyone ever bought you flowers?
Yeah .

39. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Hair.

40. What really turns you on?
A good smellin' boy.

41. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Grande White Mocha Latte.

42. Who are your best friends?
AuntieM, My baby Sis, My Grandma, Krissy, Melanie, Moe.

43. Do you listen to a lot of music?
Yes.

44. Say something totally random about yourself:
I just finished my 3rd cup of coffee.

45. Whats your favorite color?
Can't name just one....

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Yeah but most of them are cracksmokers so it doesn't count.

47. What's your favorite tv show?
Ghost Hunters, Dirty Jobs

48. What color is your car/Jeep?
White/Tan--and it's not a car or a Jeep..it's an Expedition lol.

49. Are you comfortable with your height?
I guess so ?

50. Do you like someone right now?
Yeah...

51. How tall are you?
Five foot -seven inches--shorter than my little brother and little sister..

52. Do you speak any other language other than english?
Yep...I'm very fluent in gibberish, and bullshit

53. Do you cook?
Ughh...yeah, but I don't like to.

54. Do you go shopping often?
He he ....yeah.

55. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Yup in Vegas.

56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
Yes.

57. Do you watch MTV?
Yeah, but VH1 is better for music.

58. What's something that really annoys you?
When people don't get that I'm kidding.

59. What are some things you like?
When my girls break into fits of cackles and laughter, summer nights, when people do things for me " just because".

60. Do you like Michael Jackson?
Pfftt....

61. Can you dance?
Uhmmm....do you have a pole ..I'll show ya..

62. Have you ever surfed?
Uh no...there are sharks in the ocean dummy.

63. Do you know how to pump gas?
Yes, but I'm not fond of it .

64. Do you drive?
No, I make my driver take me everywhere...of course I do.

65. What's the latest you have ever stayed out?
4 a.m. ..I think...

66. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?
Yes.

67. Were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
Yeah but I was like 3 so I don't remember it.

68. Have you ever been dared to do something you didn't want to do?
Ha!

69. What's your favorite state to live in?
Happiness.~Stacy's answer again....she's very wise lol.

Ok I had to

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 12:43:44 GMT

I know I said no blog...but dammit to hell I been up since 4:40 a.m. and these kids think that they have to sleep until like 7:30 or something so, it's just me.

Ok well this morning while watching "Fox and Friends"...

Fox news is the best ever btw...anyway.

Did you hear the latest ?!?!?

Kid Rock and Scott from the band Creed (Christian based Rock Group) ?!?!?

On a SEX VIDEO TOGETHER !

WTF ?

Ok really these are two guys that it never crossed my mind would make an "appearance" together....

I wanna see this video....it's so going to do the opposite of turning me on, but really I think I need to see this.

Groundhog Day

Fri, 03 Feb 2006 01:08:51 GMT

Dammit to hell !!

Bastard !

I wrote this damn thing once !

Groundhog day is where we wait for this stupid fat thing thats like a big rat to come out of hibernation . When he comes out of his hole...on Feb 2nd of every year, we wait for him to tell us if winter will last another 40 days or if Spring will make an early arrival.

If he sees his shadow and runs back into his borrow, then 6 more weeks of Winter, if he comes out and stays out then...Spring will be early.

I know it makes no sense...but...that's America ! BTW what the hell is "Boxing Day" ?

Protest...

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 15:26:23 GMT

Ok well the protest went....well...silent...

We all wore our shirts and such...the T.V. crew was there, filming and interviewing...

I told them I didn't want to be interviewed...the main reason ? Because I can just see it now. They ask me a question, and I answer it with a whole line of crap...and then it's on the damn news and the whole school district is watching and saying "Nnnnnnnnooooooooo ...who let that dumb cluck have the microphone ?!?!?!" And I know that would happen because that's the same thing I say when I watch the interviews on the news....they can never just interview the person with the facts.

I did , however begin walking a circle around the gym and chanting

"Hell No We Won't Go!".....until the principal came to me and said " Jess it's not over until 8..so you don't have to go yet.."....Oh...well shit....he he...nevermind then.

They did film the girls and I playing our math games...and the back of my shirt....I think ? I dunno I think that camera guy was checking my ass out, so if my ass makes it to primetime..I'll let ya know.

My girls are overly-excited about today at school. It's the 100th day of the school year. And for some reason this is a huge celebration at school. Every kid has to bring 100 pieces of something to eat, candy usually. My 6 year old suggested 100 frosted sugar cookies. Now my house is lucky if I make cookies ever, not to mention 100, and buying them would of been insane...so NO , no cookies. The took hershey hugs, and regular kisses. I tried my damndest to talk them into taking those little "conversation hearts"...because those are only 88 cents a bag, and there's like 150 in each bag...but nope. Gotta have chocolate. So I ended up spending almost 14 dollars on candy that I don't even get to eat ! And to top it off...they are gonna be on sugar highs, they are out at 2 today....so they won't even have time to let the shit wear off at school !

So my afternoon will be spent peeling kids off the ceiling !

Ok well I came to back make an announcement ! I did my taxes right !!!! Lmao...last year I kept screwin' the damn things up because instead of leaving a space blank, I'd put a zero in there...but they wouldn't tell me what was wrong so after 19 tries I figured it out ! Ok so maybe PART OF the reason it was right was because turbo tax saves everything from the year before...but who cares ?!?!? I still had to do this years...and I DID IT ! Thank you thank you *bow*bow*curtsey*......

Ok so we are protesting the hostile takeover of our schools Gary !

Oh and Paul....someone sent me a pic of the protest...I'll be back after the school parking lot mayhem to post it.....

And yes Rooster..I do drive something big enough to drive over just about everyone...my best friends dad who is a truck driver says I'm one of those little bitches he hates that drive a big truck and think we can do whatever we want..lmao---he knows me alll too well !

superstition...late night t.v. part 2

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 15:17:14 GMT

After a long hard day of sloshing through spaces yesterday. I came to 3 conculsions.

1. My ass does not take kindly to this chair...

2. I know now you're ass really can fall asleep.

3. Friday the 13th has nothing on Friday the 20th.

A large majority of people had down days yesterday. When I first wrote my entry about bad memories...I thought " how bad of me"...and "misery loves company".....

But, after looking around...misery had plenty of company yesterday. It seemed like almost everyone decided to blog about how shitty they were feeling .

Why did we all decide that yesterday was the day for that ?

Even the people who normally keep these sorts of things in thier heads...overflowed with anger and hurt.

I'm feeling better today, in large part because of all of you. Thanks...

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Oh and I feel the need to talk about late night t.v....yes again...... so shut it.

First of all "The 700 Club"......this is a direct quote from a woman on that show

" Days after I wrote the check to the 700 club my life began to change. I know it's because I started giving to God".

Ok so God takes checks now huh ? Who knew ?!?!? They continued to talk about "giving to God"...and your life won't change until you do so. They weren't saying...to give your Love to God, or praise him....they were saying..."You have to buy your way into Heaven"....

Inflation I suppose.

Did God's stock take a dive too ? Please someone tell me the the stock abbrevaition, so I can check it out.

I could go through and tell you about the whole show....but I kind of just did...same words spoken just by different people.

I watched for longer than I wanted to, I couldn't turn the channel....I think they had subliminal messages on there...put me in a trance....

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Ok anyway...then I watched BBC...well because I'm "worldly" now, so I have to pay attention to these sorts of things.

On BBC, they were talking about a whale, that damn thing is in a river IN LONDON...he's stuck....poor whale. What the hell are they gonna do with him ? How are they gonna get him out ? We'll see I guess...I'll be tuning into the BBC tonight to check on him.

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Now I'm off to spread the joy !!!

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Ok I added pics of my recent works to the photo album....

I think I'm really gonna try to open en Etsy.com store....try...

Or I could stand on the corner or go door to door ....?

Hee he...I think I'd haev waaayyy too much fun on the corner ..so I'll keep my happy ass in this chair !

interenet bumper stickers

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 02:26:18 GMT

www.internetbumperstickers.com

That's the link that I got from Michele (HotMamax4)..for these stickers.....now whats the RSS say ?!?! lmfao.....

I perused through alllllllllll of those damn things...and found the ones I put in the photo album...

If you put them all in a certain order...I think that'd be the story of my life....summed up on fucking bumper stickers.....that's sad right ?

Aw fuck I don't care.....all the shit that wasn't funny at the time ..is now ( according to the stickers).......

Okay okay..sorry about the whole "pity party woe is me" thing. It was selfish of me .

I apologize.

This is part of the email I got from my cousin earlier...(Brown Suga)...about the sticker shock:

yeah like the story of the stickers, although you forgot to mention that
i found mine before i took off! That i was the smart one, I want a
retraction on that by the way.

Alrighty...now....YOU FOUND THE SECOND ONE ! NOT THE FIRST UNTIL YOU"D BEEN TO WORK AND BACK....so.... and here...I'll bear my ass for you to kiss it too !

Just Fun..War and Peace...and Laughs

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 16:04:18 GMT

Back in the olden days...like 1999...

My husband was outside talking to his Dad...as hubby leaned against the back of his car...his Dad kept looking behind him and finally said " boy what the hell is that ?"....

Hubby turned around to see a sticker on his back window that said

" My bitch gives good head".....

he came inside to ask me what the hell that was about...like I would advertise that !

Then we realize that the day before when corporate was at his store that's what they must of been referring to when they asked him " so your wife....she doin' good ?"...At the time it seemed odd of them to ask, but now we knew why.

What we didn't know was who put the fucking sticker there....ok well we thought about it for 3.5 seconds and figured it out.

It was my best friend (Krissy) and her hubby....

That began the "Sticker War of 1999"...

For weeks we snuck around 3 towns at night with cat-like stealth...we put stickers on everyones cars....and every morning when we got up...there were at least 2 on our back windows.(On the windows as to not ruin the paint ...it was all in fun..no malice intended)

We got everyone....and a few of them still don't know who it was.

On my cousin's (Brown Suga's) car...my favorite sticker said "Tattoed White Trash"....

and on my mom's... " Honk if you want a blowjob" ......and on my best friends hubby's car....

" Pleasure is a fist in my ass".....most times at first they'd drive for hours or days before realizing why everyone was honking at them......

The sticker war became intense....and turned into much more. Toilet papering houses...and my favorite...the night we got Krissy's hubby's car....

We opened cans of kipper and sardines...and put them on the windshield , then too industrial strength saran wrap...and wrapped the car.....left to right...right to left....front to back ..back to front....under the car...and over.....700 feet of it.

When they got home...the sight they saw was better then we could of even imagined....the car...not only what we had done to it...but covered in a dozen hungry cats....lmfao...trying to eat their way through the plastic to get to the kipper and sardines. We even spied on them as they went to the carwash at 3 a.m......and stayed up the rest of the night...waiting for payback....

That was the end of the war....for the time being....

I still check my back window every morning before I leave....one of those stickers on there would NOT look good in the school parking lot....

Ok I changed the photo album...that small pic is Corey Haim...for "barefootin boy" who didn't know who he was...but has an uncanny likeness to this 80's icon. And staying with the 80's theme I added my halloween pic....the others are from summer and fall...I miss them..lol

Oh and yeah I changed my age in my profile.....I was tired of people telling me I "look good for 28"...and the best of all " for having 4 kids".....ha ha ha.....I have 7 kids...I just claim 4. So bite it....

Here's a pic of another one of my kids...he looks like his Dad