Omaha Momma: Organizations

Friday

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 14:47:27 GMT

We got those "Special VIP Passes" to Trump Junior's wealth seminar in the mail yesterday. If we attend we will learn all his secrets to being wealthy.

In my opinion it's a bit late for us, considering Junior's plan was being born, and continues with...being nice to your bazillionare Daddy.

Anyway that's my SPF --I've never played before and the topic was "letters" .

I'll be back later to chat.

What the ?

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 16:23:17 GMT

My sister and I were talking yesterday about Christmas trees, and she mentioned that she hasn't seen and " upside down tree" yet. Uhm neither had I. But I thought she was messing around, because who the hell puts their tree upside down ....and why ?

I googled it of course. and, found this : Upside Down Christmas Tree And this : Upside Down Tree. I still don't get it.

It seems wrong on so many levels.

Not to mention it looks fucking retarded.

Whatever floats their boat I suppose.

We decided to really not put our big green tree up this year. I kept going back and forth on it, the white one is really pretty but it seems so small . Small will have to do this year.

I took the rest of the decorations back downstairs to the storage room, and found " mouse evidence". Not cool.

Meeses scare me to pieces! They are nasty germ and virus ridden creatures. And they pretty much just freak me out. which isn't saying much considering any animal smaller than a cat freaks me out.

Small creature phobia, I wonder if there is such a thing. Gonna google that too. Not now, but when I'm really bored, like in 5 minutes.

I gotta do something about this

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 02:35:50 GMT

Well...it was a day.

Baby girl was in a pissy mood and it showed when a repeat of "The Wiggles" came on. She was excitedly waiting for "Handy Manny" to come on.

She stood in front of the t.v. anticipating and on came "The Wiggles" she threw her hands up and said " ahhh fuck ..the Wiggles again ?"

Not that I blame her, that's how I feel about them too, but well...ya know she's only two.

Then Jam and I got into yet another argument.

She has it embedded in her mind that when I tell her to do something that I must explain the who, what, where and why I told her to do it.

I pulled the " because I'm the mom and I said so " card.

Nope, not good enough.

I tried telling her what she needs to do and then ignoring her questions. Only to be told " I am asking you a question Mom." I held my cool until I asked her where she thought she was going (opposite of where she was supposed to be going).

Her answer was " if you don't have to tell me anything then I don't have to tell you anything, see Mom ? Two way street."

Hehhehhehhehehe. Uhmmm no you wretched little pre-teen. That is not how it works.

By then I was fuming, my nostrils were flaring, and I was thinking of an alibi.

I grabbed her scrawny little arms with one hand and with the other hand I wound up and prepared to smack her backtalking little mouth.

I don't hit my kids, it makes me sick to think of doing it. The heat of the moment, however lame the excuse is all I can think of.

Right then I didn't think of being sick, or feeling bad....

That my friends is when things went bad.

Don't ask me how it happened. But. This 60 pound 10 year old girl, grabbed me, twisted both my arms together, held them toward the ground and attempted to put a goddamn sleeper hold on my ass. When that didn't work she got more pissed and started some kung-fu shit. She didn't accomplish alot, except for making me fall over laughing. Which didn't help our little situation. But daaaaamn. Girl is a scrapper.

After a few seconds she laughed too.

And, that's when I explained to her that when I always tell her to protect herself. I didn't mean go WWF on your Mom .

Wednesday

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 15:56:34 GMT

Yesterday hubs had to go a " country mile north" for a meeting at this years " Christmas show store".

Last year it was hubs store, and if I do say so myself, his store kicked ass.

Pretty much because I decorated it, and if there are other reasons I conveniently forget what they are.

From what I hear (yes from people other than the one I'm married to), is that it was "a dim shadow of last years show store", and that was the nice part.

I guess the manager was waiting for all the help that hubs store had last year, and waiting for some sort of diagrams and written plans as to what do to and where.

Dude didn't pay close attention to the fact that the help was me, and the diagrams etc. are in here *pointing at head*

I'm not saying I'm completely fabulous (which I pretty much am), or that no one else could of done what I had done (which they can't), I'm just saying that even though someone else had to suffer for it, I got an ego boost.

Pfftt don't look at me like that, it's not my fault everyone can't be fabulous.

I had to go to the doctor yesterday too. My sinuses are doing their thing again, and I had to go get 'em checked.

I haven't been to my GP since I've been pregnant...so when he came in he looked at my chart,

Flipped back to the previous page, back to the front page and got a worried look on his face.

" Sssooooo is everything ok with you besides your sinuses ? "

"Ehhh yeah...?"

" Oh hhhmmmm." *Flip back to next page.*

" Well you've gained some weight since you were in, you're not depressed or going through anything major ?" *Pointing at weight on chart*

Ahhh......now I knew where he was going, hehe.

" Uhm well I'm 30 weeks pregnant so maybe that's why ?"

" And that was cute of you to say "some weight"..it's 22 pounds man, you don't have to be nice about it."

After we got that cleared up we were good. Nothing unexpected.

Except the hole my my eardrum. I knew my ear hurt, and I sort of thought maybe it was my fault, but I didn't think there was a hole in it.

Yesterday morning my ear was sooooo eeeetchy....so I grabbed a q-tip, and shoved that bastard right in there.

Inflammed ear drum+ shoving bastard in there=pokey de hole in de ear.

Ah well my ear doesn't itch anymore.

And I suffer

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 00:39:41 GMT

Today I had to get out early so I decided to go to the school and visit with a few of my friends I haven't seen in a bit.

I quit going to the school 40 minutes early everyday to wait for the girls, and usually just pick them up now.

It started out as " baby girl is napping during that time"...but really, dealing with some of those people day to day by choice was refuckingtarded. So now it's not just for baby girls naptime, but because Mommy hates people.

It took approximately 3 minutes before the cockroaches appeared.

First Miss "PTO Queen"....who walks from the office over to me and hands me a bag of labels to put in the container. Ya know the labels the school collects for money. Well...she is standing NEXT to the label box, but yet since it's my job to send them in, it was somehow my job to take them from her royal hand and insert the bag into the box. Uhmmm....no.

"Hey Jess you wanna put these in the box ?"

" The box that you're standing next to ? No....you're right there and I was in the middle of a conversation."

...albeit it was a conversation about ghosts, but whatever.

" Oh well I'll put them in then." ~Dirty look.

" Mmkay . You be a peach and put them there." ~ Dirtier look.

Then here comes Miss "We used to be friends but I can't talk to you anymore because my husband says so."

She comes in and sits down and says her hellos to the group, minus me, but does make a comment to my friend Mel about MY baby girls hair and how it's getting sooo long.

What the fuck man ?

I know it was to get under my skin, and I know it shouldn't of worked but damn it did.

No, I didn't say anything because that would of been equal to puncturing a hole in an aeresol can...that shit would of came out and not stopped until it was empty.

And, I probably would of thrown something during that process, and since the only thing not bigger than me or nailed down was the children that were walking by, it just woulda looked bad.

As if I hadn't suffered enough...here comes Miss "horse teeth"( yeah I didn't start that one ) . She wants to chat about Jam and her kid being sooo close now and how it's soooo cute ! *gag* Oh and then she invited us to holy rollers anynomous...*cough* I mean her church.

I politely declined, I mean Sundays are chalk full O'Satan, draining chickens of their blood, and pentagram making lessons in my house so we just don't have time for that church thing.

On our way out the girls were piddle-dicking around and around the corner comes Miss "Texas"....(it's the big hair ). And, since I was not in the mood to hear about her drunk abusive cheating husband that she won't leave. Or the fact that she can't handle her kids without crying daily. . . . .

I told the girls that if they ran like the wind to the truck I would buy them a king size candy bar at the gas station.

I think teachers take bribes

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 03:04:23 GMT

We had to put on our " Mom and Dad" outfits and go to parent teacher conferences.

And, I think our kids are involved in some sort of elementary school mafia . Bribes or blackmail seem to be the only logical explainations I can come up with.

*Sigh*

Something is very wrong with these kids of ours. I drop them off every morning at the school, and I pick them up at the school everyday. So I know that they are there. But how in the hell is it that all 3 of them are " a joy to have in class"...." the most dependable child in this grade"...." shows utmost respect at all times." Oh and they've all recieved awards of character this year so far.

Uhmmm what ?

I'm not saying I've ever doubted their abilities at academics...I wasn't worried about that part.*pats ourselves on the back*

What floors me is, these are the same kids that shoot rays of death from their eyes if you ask them to move their backpacks.

The same kids that act like not getting to stay up a half and hour late ranks right up there with a nuclear meltdown.

All I have to say is I hope the know how they are gonna finance that bribery shit through college, because it's kind of one of those things you can't start and not finish...and if they do then good for them ! I mean it does show planning and follow through....both essential assets.

I've been trying someone that does brake jobs for cheap....not like a place but just a person. Which is much harder than I thought it would be. I mean, down home, every third person knows how to park a truck on blocks and do a brake job.....it's sort of a requirement ...yep every third person. It just happens that hubs and I are numbers 1 and 2, one of us should of married a 3 dammit. Not only that ...you pay for parts, and labor cost ya a 6 pack ...that of course they drink after the brakes are done.

The brakes on my truck have squeaked and squeeled since we got it. Ford factory brakes just do that, and they have tons of brake dust that makes it worse. So I got used to the lil' noises. But yesterday I was slowing down for a traffic light...and I coulda swore someone was honking at me....I looked around ....nothing. Next light, same thing. I rolled down the window and gawd almighty it was my brakes....and now they do it ALL the time. It is so fucking loud.....and every time they make that noise I visualize the remnants of the brake pads digging into the rotors....so really this is an ASAP thing.

What I'm saying is...if the brake fairy magically came tonight and put on some new brake pads...I wouldn't be mad at all.

I left a 6 pack out there just in case.

Ok ok ok...

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 23:58:06 GMT

So obviously ...my hair ...is how I want it !

Ha !

Although the camera doesn't lie...my hair is longer than I thought...and my belly is bigger..my ass is fatter...and my boobs...ah holy hell. I need to get a camera that was made by the people who made my mirror...cause that mirror is a good liar.

OR it could just be the fact that my mirror only goes to just past my shoulders...? But if I'm not careful my ass and boobage are gonna start showing up in the mirror too. *Shudder*

Reminder to self : raise mirror height another 5 inches.

Mmmkay...so today I got this bright idea to try a video blog....I set up the shit for it ....and videotaped myself. Oh. My. Gawd. With this scratchy throat and stuffy nose I sound like Jennifer Tilley in drag. That is NOT cool.

Don't ask me why I did it...it just sounded like a brilliant idea at that second. And, if it weren't for that Jennifer thing, and the fact that I have no idea what the fuck to say ...then it would of been brilliant.

So I didn't really fail....I just skipped that whole succeeding thing. Screw the overachievers and their ability to do shit right the first time.

Gotta drop off my altered book art tomorrow...after I LOCATE IT . We won't go there right now.

Then...Friday is the first of two big days !

I'm starting to get a LITTLE nervous...and Timothy Schaffert and I are fighting over what to wear...I don't wanna show up and he has on the same outfit as me ya know....talk about awkward ! But...he sounds like he's going in a different " wardrobe direction"..something about a tu-tu...so I'm in the clear...because I am too-too fat ....hahahahhahhahhahaaa.....ok that was a bad joke...but that's all I got .

My sister and her kids will be here Friday, she is gonna take care of the girls while I'm rubbing elbows with fancy schmancy people. And, AuntieM will be here Saturday to attend the LitFest too !

Now the Hubs...will be in CaliFuckingFornia.....from 5 a.m. Friday until midnight on Sunday. Of course the weeked I actually have something meaningful in my life to do ( besides give birth or shop) he is leavin' me ! He's going to the football game...Nebraska vs. USC....in Santa Barbara ? Or...somewhere around there. Wherever USC plays....

So if you watch the game Saturday....look for the only group of 4 guys wearing Nebraska shirts and hats.....and I'm willing to bet they'll be 3 sheets to the wind. So...the group of 4 Nebraskans....acting like " Nebraskans "....heh sorry honey...just callin' it like the whole world will see it. *Wink*Wink*

The fact that my husband will be in this situation is thanks to the liquor reps that are taking him....and have already prepared him and his friends with pocket sized bottles of tequila....for the trip....as in for the flight.....as in...they are gonna be totally fucking wasted before they fly over the state border.

Ah well..they'll have fun...it's not like they are flying the plane, or even driving for that matter. And I hear the hookers in Cali are all hot ! If you don't mind that chicken-head, meth addict, 13 year old runaway thing. Ok that last part was to make me feel better....

Two weeks !

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 20:54:57 GMT

Yep ! Two weeks and school is in !!! Yeaaaahhh !! Not that I'm like counting or anything...I just heard it was only two weeks is all.

School is in the air..which ,means that the girls have started playing school again. They are all teachers though, because God forbid one of them act superior to the others.

So as I sat on the floor taking an old computer tower apart...for shits and giggles...

I overheard bits and pieces of the "teacher conversations".

Which led me to believe that they must be teaching at the " Fine Art of Being Bitches and Divas School Of Omaha."

Jam who is "Mrs K." says " who said you could wear that lipgloss ? That is mine !"

Bana aka : "Miss A ." well you have on nail polish that I got in my Christmas stocking ! So if I have to take my lip gloss off you have to take the polish off !"

"Mrs. K." : We don't have any polish remover so I can't...but you can just wipe that lipgloss off !"

"Miss A." : I don't really care ! Scrape it off with a butter knife then ! And if you don't then I'm not taking mine off ! "

Toph who was not playing until then... mistakenly walks in at this time and says

" I wanna be Miss. B...but only if you guys stop fighting."

(Poor girl...they blindsided her ass like nothin' mattered.)

Mrs. K. " Oh yeah well we aren't fighting and if we were Mom would come in here and tell us to quit..."

Miss A. " Hey why are you wearing that ?!? Teachers do not wear tu-tu's you freak !"

Miss A. "This is my classroom and that is her classroom, so you have to use another room...and it can't be that one either because that's the gym."

Mrs. K "Ugh ! I don't know how you two expect to act like teachers when one of you is looking like a ballerina and the other is too worried about how her lips look !"

Miss A. "Well Jam you know that a teacher can be pretty and care about how her lips look ..and if YOU didn't care then why did you paint your nails !?!"

Miss B. finally got a chance to speak and said " you guys suck, and I'm telling Mom, and I'm not playing, and I hope all your kids in your class spit paper at you and tell their Moms that you hit them."

It's Friday ! Not that I care...but whatever

Fri, 12 May 2006 13:55:23 GMT

My girls will be having a lemonade stand this weekend...well tonight and tomorrow...not Sunday...we are going to "Indian Cave State Park" on Sunday. For Mother's Day and Father's Day...we always go hiking or something like that...and we haven't been to that park yet...

Ok...off track there a little bit. Lemonade stand.

The purpose behind the stand is to raise money, or course.

The gobs and gobs of money they make on the two days of selling lemonade and lemon icees will be used to purchase...?

A digital video camera and laptop...for themselves.

They've decided that they want to make movies...and mean Momma won't let them use our digicam and laptop ....so...they are gonna just buy their own . Good for them...

They already have two scripts written out, and parts have been decided...now they just need to essential equipment...I offered to let them use our stuff, on the condition that I helped ALOT.

But no...that's out of the question...the script is top secret...the only thing I'm allowed to know is that it takes places on a pirate ship...with rockstars...now THAT is gonna be a great movie.

So yesterday I had to go out and buy a few things for the stand...gotta spend money to make money right ?

Baby girl was not in a shopping mood....she told off an employee that told her

" not to touch" the stuff on the shelf....yes towels are dangerous ya know.

But ...a tiny two-year old pointing her finger at the woman and saying

" you nah een me !" was entertaining I must say....

(I'm pretty sure that means shut up lady you're not my boss).

Then we stopped by Radio Shack...the store over here is closing...so I had to scour for deals...two seconds into my qwest for a new phone...baby girl 15 feet away from me.

5 feet of that was horizontal....10 feet...was vertical...

This wretched lil' being....climbed to the top of a display of " power packs" for car batteries..

The top level was very unstable...she swayed and quivered as she waved hello to me from up there....

I held back the tears of embarassment....and I held back the evil urge to beat my dear sweet child right then and there.

And, I held back the need to scream at the Radio Shack guy for building such a bad display.

Blaming it on him seemed only right...it couldn't be my fault !

How in the hell did I get to be one of those Moms ? With those kids ?

Somebody please tell me !

My children do not mis-behave in public....not to mention do something as unacceptable as climb a god-forsaken display !

No ! Really ! I swear !

That is what the naughty kids do that I talk shit on !

Only kids who don't get attention from their parents do that !

Mom's that don't pay mind to the fact that their kids are running rampant in a store would let such a thing happen !

Son of a bitch. I am so screwed.

Happy fuckin' Friday.

Neighbors

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 22:13:30 GMT

Really....why do I have to HAVE neighbors ?

I don't try to avoid them per se...I just do the " nod and wave " thing and hope to gawd that they do the same and leave me the hell alone.

No...they think " aww she looks so nice and approachable..."

Note to self : no more nodding and waving, it gives the wrong impression.

Now, behind our house and across the street live the jewish/philipino couple.

Nod and wave...even when Mr. Jewish is out on the front porch screaming to the world what his son just told him

" fuck you ! fuck you said David ! fuck Dad..!"

"He said......Dad ! fuck you !...."

Try to pretend that you can't hear him....pretend that you are out back, just trimming the vine...without a trimmer...ok so pretend you're inspecting the vine.

Mr. J , we gotta shorten his name so it's just "J" now.

Anyway, I'm in the dining room working on some more Etsy stuff...and I hear a mans voice...telling my dog to " hush up ,it's ok....I wouldn't hurt ya."

Dognapper ! Was the first thought to cross my mind....damn dognappers trying to take my flatulent, fat headed dog.

So I rush out the back door...I mean if they are gonna take him, they might as well have his papers and vet records right ?

There is my dog, crouched to the ground, and Mr. J with his roly poly fat as a sausage dog "Corky".

Jay sees me coming and decides that he's gonna protect Momma from the bad man...and goes friggin' crazy. I let him go until he started this little foaming at the mouth thing....which I must say...even scared me a lil' bit.

Mr. J asks my name, and my heritage which is relevant how ?

About 3 seconds after introductions, I get a history lesson. Great....a history lesson, from a man who has just asked my heritage.

The first time he saw a boxer dog ? In 1944 in Palestine. Yup....after HITLER ( don't look at me like that I didn't know the guy) took over and the Jews retreated to Palestine...they brought their dogs from Germany....that's during the time he was researching frozen dog food.

The second time he saw one ? While working for the University of Iowa...yeah the medical director had one. Good to know.

He's not a doctor, he was a animal nutritionist...by the way...how in the holy hell does a former animal nutritionist have the fattest fucking dog I've ever seen ?

Oh and before leaving...he says " Oh ! tonight on PBS there is a show about cattle judging and meat packing ! "

SWwweeettt ! Man...I always wanted to be a cattle judge....oh wait...I know alot of cows, and I judge them everyday.

Knowing that my husband is in the food industry he asks me to pass along a joke to him....

Why did the Ram fall off the cliff ?

He didn't see the Ewe turn.

Holy Crap !

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 23:04:20 GMT

I went to pick the girls up from school. We are walking out chit chatting about Jam's field trip and whatever ...the skies are gray from the storms that have been coming and going since about 5 this morning. I'd gone to the school early, because there was break between the storms ...and the next one wouldn't hit until about 4 they said.

We are laughing and telling teachers and friends bye..out of the blue...the tornado sirens start to sound. Everyone completely froze. We were like " really...the sirens ?"...duh.

So I turned and told my girls to hold hands and get inside. There were kids everywhere...some trying to walk home and the others that were waiting for parents to pick them up.

I looked over at the principal, and she motioned for me to get kids as she was doing the same.

I started just yelling for kids to get inside right now...and my girls were getting pushed through the door. They were screaming "mommy ! "...I just kept repeating " stay together and I'll find you !"..but they could hardly hear me over the cries of all these other scared kids.

After getting everyone inside, my heart was pounding as I tried to find where my girls had been sent.

I finally found them with a group of 20 other kids standing there all waiting for me. Alot of the kids were ones that knew me and/or the girls, and they wanted to be with us.

We got to a safe area and, these kids..wow...after going through the drill yesterday they did it just as they were told.

I was so proud of all of them !

They crouched down and covered...and were quiet except for sobbing. Which got very loud whent he lights flickered.

About that time, I got a little scared too.

Another parent and I calmed the kids...and I called home to tell hubs that we were ok and there, but he didn't answer the first time because he was in the basement. But, called back soon after to let me know that he and baby girl were safe.

Parents started coming in the school saying they wanted their kids, and were actually pissed that they weren't allowed to leave with the kids until the all clear was given.

I mean really ! Pissed ?!?!

The assistant principal was trying to corral parents and kids who had attempted to escape.

So I told the girls "stay put", and went to help.

I informed the parents of the " no leaving rule " as they tried to walk out into a possible tornado. and, somehow I became the bad person...yeah I won't let ya take your kids out into that...I'm horrible huh ?!?!?

For 40 minutes we sat in there, talking to the kids, and keeping and eye on the radar from the weather channel on my phone.

We finally got the all clear....it had moved to North Omaha by 4:10 p.m.

There was no damage in our area at least, and luckily our power is still on.

Now , it's nice and cool out, the birds are singing, and the sun is peeking through .

Big Love

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 17:46:28 GMT

Ok so...it's a new show on HBO. Polygamy.

And really....I've been pondering this.

I think that it'd be totally okay with me !

I mean I'd be the first wife...so I'd be in charge.

Don't feel like having sex tonight ?

Ha ! Go see one of those other bitches.

Don't wanna clean ?...C'mere wives numer 2 and 3...clean this shit up.

Money getting tight ? Ok...well..wives 4 and 5...get a job.

The first wife always gets all the good shit first. AND is the boss... Really where's the negative point here ?!?!?

Alright I know it'd be more than that, but I can dream lol.

Maybe I should just get a maid for me and a hooker for hubby.

But the maid will be expensive because I want her to do a good job, and the hooker will be cheap....we won't need her but 5 minutes a day anyway. ;)

Alrighty, I'm off to Lowe's yet again. I'm in the "sprucing up" mood.

Survived it

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 16:45:30 GMT

PTO was ok. I recruited a couple of other Moms that were more my "style"...so we sat in the back and mocked people and snickered the whole meeting.

I mean if you can't drink at this sort of thing, then making fun of people is your only source of amusement.

We didn't INTEND on really mocking people but really...some people are just stupid.

For teacher appreciation day there was talk of all families donating money for gift cards and then the names of those who did would be listed in the weekly newsletter.

One woman pipes up and says that she would prefer that the amount donated be listed with the names. "To get credit"..is what she said....wtfe.

First of all....the woman who says this needs serious help on so many levels .

Her hair looks like she brushed it with a fucking pine branch.

Frizzed all over the damn place.

Her damn minivan should be drug out to a field and shot.

It squeaks when she turns...one tire is always flat, and the passenger front door doesn't open.

Her kids wear sweats EVERYDAY to school. Which fine if that's what they like.

BUT the bitch wants everyone to know how much she gave to the teachers !

Yeah...hi...just a thought but maybe you should get your own hair done before you go DONATING A GIFT CARD FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO GET THEIRS DONE !

Materialistic ? Fine. But so is she. Just in a different...and bass ackwards way.

Need help !

Anyone have Metallica, I need a certain song from them ! mp3 or whatever I can put on my media player ?!?!

I have tried all damn day to download it from two different places !

...email me ! samvanso2129@msn.com....I don't wanna say the name of the song I've been trying to downlodd I want it to be a suprise for AuntieM...my bff in KS.

Oh and guys pretty pretty pllleeeeeze go to AuntieM's space over on my links...she just opened and needs "traffic".....

p.s. I don't LIKE TO BEG...

Lip Gloss

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 17:28:26 GMT

8:05 a.m.....I'm telling the girls to hurry up, I gotta get gas before I drop them off.

Heading out the door....I glance over at Jam....

" Whoa...wait a second ! What the hell is on your lips Missy ?!?!"

"Uhhhhh lip gloss ?"

" Ok first I said you could put on lip gloss ...NOT two-bit whore red lisptick....

second do you really think that's appropriate for a 9 year old to wear to SCHOOL !?!"

"MOM !....it's just red lip gloss !"

"Yes well...if you don't go wipe it off you're going to have a butt that matches that red lip gloss!"

Ahh the pressure of being 9 years old...it's really intense these days I hear.

Then to top it off your Mom won't let you go to school looking like a streetwalker.

It's a hard knocks life.

I got a new electric toothbrush the other day...one for everyone in our house.

My husband...who is still unaware of this. Is listening outside the bathroom door last night.

I had taken a shower and then went to brush my teeth....about 5 seconds after I started the bathroom door busts open...and he's standing there with his mouth open.

"What ?!?!".....it scared me so I yelled at him...

"Uhmmm...nothing".....then he closes the door.

I stood there a second before I realized......he thought I was in there gettin' it on with a vibrator ! Dumbshit.

He still won't admit that's what he was thinking...but I'm onto him.

He's an easy book to read...most times it's not even a book, more like the "cliff notes" version of a book.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok well I've broken two rules today...I watched Cops,

(which I normally avoid because one of my family members is usually on )

the guy that was getting arrested was drunk...and actually funny...he cried about losing his hat...

Then Oprah....not gonna get into detail about why she's in the "no watch" zone...but I HAD TO...Tim McGraw was on there...oh and his wife..what's her name....*sigh*....he's purdy.

I was all happy last Tuesday at about 8 I said " hey I forgot about PTO tonight"...I'm so dumb. It's THIS Tuesday...and the President of the PTO asked me to " please come"....she said " hey ! were even gonna have heart shaped brownies !"...I said "well then ! count me in !"

Goody goody ! YAY ! Stupid fucking brownies...and fake Moms, and stupid stupid meetings.

So...please at 7 p.m. central time...take a moment...and pray for me.

And if your in town stop by...I'll be the one wearing the ball gown and tiara....if I'm going "fake"...then I'm going all out