Omaha Momma: Travel

Stupid Snow

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 22:05:48 GMT

8+ inches and winds between 20 and 35 mph. Went and got groceries for our snowed in weekend.

Tomorrow we're gonna have our traditional 4th of July meal. BBQ pulled pork, corn on the cob, tater salad, baked beans, pickles, and chips. It sounded like a good plan because .............it just sounded really good is why ! We do a "Thanksgiving " dinner in the summer too because we crave all that good food.

Tonight I think we're gonna have egg sandwiches !

No...

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 21:27:28 GMT

I did not eat two McRibs and a large order of fries for lunch yesterday so don't even ask.

AND...no, I did not forget that today is Wednesday and school is out at 2 and almost forget my kids.

I didn't stay in my jammies until 1:58 either.

I did however come very close to having a parking lot brawl with this bitch that has been pissin' me off since August.

Ugh, she doesn't speak English, her kid translates for her. How in the holy hell did get get a drivers license anyway ? Nevermind she probably doesn't have one.

She has her goddamn seat so close to the windshield of her stupid fucking mini-van that I'm sure she has teeth marks in the steering wheel. She will pull in front of anyone, at anytime. She doesn't bother to look, she just goes. BUT if someone dares honk at her or not let her into the flow...bitch is in there shaking her fist tellin' us all about some shit I can't understand.

I do hear Mohammed alot, maybe that's her husband ? Orrr maybe that's the guy she's gonna call and give our car descriptions too...who knows.

*Not the point. *

Point is, today I did my duty and let one person in. That's my nice rule, one person that's it. I ain't got all day to sit there and let people go in front of me all willy nilly.

And too bad for bitch it wasn't her. She still tried though, oh the poor thing, she tried.

She even shook her fist at the person I let in front of me so that she could squeeze in. Person in front of me said " fuck this" and put it in park. So, I casually squinched right up beside her van....and we all just sat there.

After a second she finally looked at me and did her fist thing, with her windows up and her kid staring too.

Ok now, I don't like to do such things at the school...ya know make a scene and all, but, she totally started it.

So I rolled own my window and was saying " huh what I can't understand you ?!" " What about the sideways dog...huh ?"

Still she kept going.

Then I said " if I were you I would shut the hell up right now lady, if I have to drag my fat ass out of this truck I will choke a Bitch. Huh ? What ?!? Now what bitch ....I will fuck you up...you better shut your mouth 'fore I pull out my knife and cut a bitch."

Arggh...no I didn't say that ..I told ya I didn't wanna make a scene and my kids were in the truck.

But what I really did say was just as bad.

I flipped her off and said.....

" Too bad so sad..neener neener neeeeener !"

Easter Weekend

Mon, 17 Apr 2006 02:31:20 GMT

We made it home at about a quarter 'til 1 today.

Oh my gawd....over ten hours and 600 miles of driving, and ohhh about 4 hours of sleep.....4 girls that were taking turns being pissed about something. My ass is beat.

Tore up from the floor up !

We saw quite a bit of Kansas wildlfe...not including the wildlife I'm related to.

We saw a pheasant, a prairie dog...who attempted suicide by running in front of my sisters truck then back to the side of the highway, then back in front of my truck. We both somehow missed it....lucky dog.

Oh, and we saw two road runners today on the way home. Yes they are real birds. No, they don't say " meep meep".....

The girls had a great time at the hotel, the pool and hot tub were the main attractions of course. My 8 year old got into the hot tub and said

" hey Mom ! it feels like you're taking a bath in Sprite !".....

Ya know what's funny ? The pool and the hot tub were both salt water. After all the kids had to taste it twice to make sure....my sister and I had to taste...yup salt water. Duh.

I guess,from what I hear it's easier to keep the chemicals balanced in salt water. You float better in salt water too...not that, that makes any difference .

So the family reunion was interesting. So many people looked exactly the same...just bigger..haha. Everyone said that I looked the same too. I really don't think I do...but whatever.

100 Germans all in one building...until of course my great aunt and uncle came

..they themselves had 14 kids....and now all of those kids have kids except 1. And they ALL came ....

That's when we decided we needed to go....too damn many people.

Ok I know I have 4 kids...but 14 ?!? Catholic...yes...you don't have to ask.

..now I'm gonna have nightmares about that...like those damn twin ones aren't bad enough.

Trying to get ready

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 14:24:37 GMT

I still have SO much to do. I keep thinking of things to add to my list, but by the time I get a pen and paper to write it down...I forget what the hell I was gonna write.

Laundry is still at the top of my mental list, I don't know that there will ever be a day that it's not.

Oh ! I did get the truck cleaned out yesterday afternoon though(w00t!)...it was a long process and I still have to "clean" it.

By the way, those magic erasers, work awesome on cleaning filth from leather seats ! Ya just gotta make sure you wipe it down with a clean damp cloth after, or it leaves filmy stuff.

My kids kept interrupting me...but learned their lesson after about the twelfth time and I went off on them about all the shit that was in the back two seats and floorboards....school papers, toys, coats that had "vanished into thin air". Trash bags full....how fucking embarrasing !

I don't know what all I said when I ended up letting them all have it but I do know that I threatened to drop them off at an orphanage, take away all their favorite toys, never let them have candy again, make them pick up trash along the highways like felons, and if they ever ever left a bunch of school papers in the back again, I will make them go to school in south Omaha where they don't bring home papers, have beans and bread for lunch, and go through metal detectors when entering the school.

We are all getting pretty excited about seeing our whole family. Except for the fact that hubs has to stay home and work. Which totally sucks.

And then I got the third degree again from the oldest. She gets pissed everytime we have to leave Jay too. But, someone has to be here to protect Daddy while we're gone !

Well....I'm off to get going on my " shit to do list".

Verpassen Sie mich und haben Sie eine große Zeit!

Ich werde Sie bald sehen!

Monday Monday

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 15:03:44 GMT

So...I got home at about noon yesterday. I laid down to watch t.v. about 3 and didn't wake up until 7 ! Ate dinner and was asleep again at 9.

So I'm feeling pretty damn good today !

Man...we did have a great time Saturday ! My sis, me, my cousin Brown Suga, AuntieM, my sis's best friend K, and some other chic...

There are only two pics in the album so far...I haven't looked at the rest but the first one really cracked me up. That's me on the right , AuntieM's backside (good side;) in the middle, and Brown Sug, on the left...and for whatever reason we are doing the

" we look super hot dancing with our eyes closed" dance.....uhm yeah ....

when you take a picture of just that part it doesn't look so "super hot" !

The other pic is us laughing at something....shocking !

No old guys to talk about this time ...the one guy that did ask us to dance was a NUT. He was there alone...and went out to dance for every damn song. The man had no idea what he was doing...they were line dancing and he was doin' the mosh pit. They zigged and he zagged.

My cousin taught me to not make eye contact with the freaks ....to avoid the " wanna dance question"....that's a really hard thing to do !

Me and Brown Sug decided that we'd help out the door man too. That was pretty cool. We pointed out all the " unsavory looking" characters...really we did help.

Then we watched as one chic got carded and when asked what her full name was she had no idea...just my thought but if you're gonna lie and try to get into a bar with a fake i.d. you better brush up on what your name for the night is.

Oh , and two other drunk girls got kicked out....the bouncers rushed through the bar to help at the door...and my sis for no reason thinks that they are coming to get me and Sug....now I dunno why she would think such a thing...we have NEVER caused trouble so ...hmmm I dunno.

But the look as my sis came flying out the door was priceless.

Bitch was ready to fight....! Ha ha ha ha !

And there we were being sweet and innocent....I do think she was a bit disappointed ...

Later I'm gonna post more pics...gotta browse through them all.

Home !

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 23:20:26 GMT

Ok well...I am here !

No matter what , it seems like the drive home is waaay longer than the drive down there....

Went to my sisters house Friday...and her and I and AuntieM and another friend all went out to a place called..."The Electric Cowboy"...yes really.

Uhmm we'll just say that it was "amusing"...but just a little more amusing than boring.

When I go out I have this "aura" about me ..I guess ?

I dunno maybe it's my perfume...whatever it is...it attracts 80 year old men, and unemployed grain elevator operators. Both severely wasted...and equally disgusting.

The first man...approx. 80 years old...cowboy hat, jeans, coat on, and white tennis shoes...staggers up to the table and announces to my forehead that........

" I didn't come here fer nothin' let's dance !"....

I made the mistake of humoring this man.

Out of sympathy more that anything...I thought I was doing a good deed.

We begin to do the two-step....well he does the 95 step ...and I two-step...and I think he's going to "twirl" me....no. He wants me to twirl HIM....time and time and time again...

Then he gets ready to give me a lil' twirl...grabs my arm and flings me across the dancefloor....

After I recover from this "twirl"...that ended up looking like a damn gymnastic floor excersise...I decide I'm ready to sit down...wellllll....after I drag him off the dance floor he won't let go of me, because in his head it's vital that he tell me about his trip to the Veterans Hospital earlier that day....

Later after everyone at the table telling me how much enjoyment they got out of the sight of it all....here comes "Cowboy Jack"....he thinks he's somethin' spectacular too...lemme tell ya ...he was somethin' alright. Out there he starts talkin' about how on Oprah the other day he saw this woman that got so mad at her kid that she started him on fire.

Really...how this is appropriate for dance floor talk I dunno......

2 hours after arriving at the "Cowboy"...we were back at my sisters house eating Sonic burgers.

The take pics all through the night at that place, so we'll have to wait and see if we're on the site in a week or so. god...wouldn't THAT be grand ?

On another note...my gorgeous little nephew who's two now...has found a new name for me.

"Honey".

It used to be "Aunt Jess"...now it's "honey"...my husband calls me that all the time...so I guess that he thought that he should too.

Friday, we finally figured out that he really was calling me honey...and we laughed so hard about it.

Saturday at 6 a.m. I hear "wake up honey"....and even though it was cute...it was NOT funny.

Taxes....

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 22:28:42 GMT

Ok well I would've been here doing this much earlier...but me and Uncle Sam had to have a lil' chat.

Now you see , that greedy bastard takes more than what I see necessary . And I want it ALL back...but Nnnnnnnnnnoooooooo....he thinks he can offer me bullshit and I'll take it.

Ok well I didn't really have a choice, so I took what I could get. But I still think he's a bastard.

I know it's pretty early to do taxes, but I kind of sorta, didn't pay state taxes that we owed last year, so I had to hurry and get them done before a full year went by...don't want any trouble from the IRS. It's not my style.

So..I'm done...and I'll be broke for another year..lol. Not because of taxes really...but because "shopping" doesn't pay you..it's the other way 'round dammit.

So my phone rings at 11:40 Saturday night. At my house a phone call after 10 p.m. is bad news. Always. Well this time it wasn't bad news... it was my mom....who had been drinking since early that day...it's her man's birthday...well that's her excuse today anyway lol

"Hello?"<---heart pounding...

"Shess?"<---drunk speak for "Jess"

"Yes Mom , what ?" <--rolling eyes

"What are you doooiin' baby girl ?...*giggle*"

"Trying to go to sleep...what are YOU doing ?" <--still rolling eyes

" Well....it's Rick's Birthday and he just said to me {hey Omaha hasn't called me today to wish me happy doopy}..so I told Rick well lets call her ! Isn't this fun ?!?!?"

"Ok...? I guess it's fun ? "<--yeah this is great fun...

"OhMyGosh Shess...we are having FUN...oh hold on Lylo and Rick want to talk to you...." <--you have no choice but to hang up or be nice and talk to the rest of the drunkards here

"No Mom really I'm about alse---" <--nevermind

"HI SHESS ! WHATH YOU DOON ?!" <--Lyle and Rick..sharing the phone

"Trying to sleep assholes....lol"<--now I'm pissed because I'm not there and it really sounds like fun !

"Ok well I'm glad you called to tell us happy birthday !" "WE LOVE YOU" <---we are drunker than shit and we love everyone !

" Ok well you guys called but whatever..... I'm goin' now guys tell Mom I said I love her and G'nite"

Ahh so that's my mom...gotta love her !

Kids

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 16:18:19 GMT

"Mooom.... ! MOM !!! .....Where are you ?!?!? MOMMMMMMMYYYYY !"

"What?"

"Moomm! ?"

" I'm right here for God's sakes...what ?!?!?"

"I forgot."

5 minutes later....

"Moomm !!! ???"

"Yes?"

"MOOMMMY !"

"What !? What !? ...give me time to answer you before you scream again will ya ?!?!

"Where are you ?!?! "

"I'm in the same damn place I was 5 minutes ago...what ?!?!?"

"Nothin' I just wondered where you went."

"You're killin' me kid."

For some reason my kids think that I'm going to sneak out the back door to leave them forever when they aren't looking.

Now this may be in part because I threaten to do this when they piss me off, or because they know I'd have good reason if I did .

This conversation plays out at least once a day at my house...I can walk right by them to do something, they didn't see me and when they look to see where I've gone they freak if I'm not sitting in the same place they last saw me. My 8 year old is the worst about this.

Awhile back I took the trash to the curb, and was talking to a neighbor. The whole time this was going on she was looking for me *(I told the oldest I was outside*)...who didn't tell her sister because , welll......."she didn't ask".

Anyway, I hear screams of terror and fright from the back yard and run to see what the hell is going on....there she is...."MOMMY Oh my God where were you ?!?!?! " Uhhmmm I was in the front yard ding dong !!!

"I almost called 9-1-1 !!!"

Drama is her first name....it used to be middle , but the frequency of these sort of situations has caused it to be upgraded to first.